Absorica Day 1

      So yesterday I picked up my prescription after arguing forever with my pharmacy that they screwed up. Which they did. They tried to give me an accutane generic first but that's not what my derm prescribed. Then they had to order it but it would be in the next day. Well when they ordered it they alerted iPlege that they'd already given me the pills. So next day comes around and they say my derm didn't do her part so I can't have my pills. Le sigh! So my sister works at CVS and went to the pharmacy to make them call iPledge and say they hadn't actually given me my pills. Then I could pick them up. Very aggravating day.

     Anyway my derm decided to put me on 30mg of Absorica after asking about my diet. Accutane works best when taken with high fat-well I only intake about 20 grams of fat total a day and she said it would need to be closer to 50 grams for it to work best but with Absorica it doesn't matter. I'll be on 30 mg a day for the first month then 60 mg a day for months 2-6. For reference I'm 5'6 and 123 lbs. I think she said I need 8000ish mg total over my entire course. So I went and picked up these. 

    I get it, Don't get pregnant. Loud and clear. I've been crazily researching moisturizers and lip balms to try and find the best possible one to deal with the dryness that I don't have yet. But I want to be prepared. I've always had oily skin and lack of moisture isn't something I'm familiar with.

      But really what would I do without amazon? Right now I'm mixing the CeraVe and jojoba oil for a night time moisturizer. Usually by morning I just have to rinse my face and enough is left behind that I don't have to apply anything under my make up. I am using the Embroyolisse on my current acne spots that are getting kinda dry and oily at the same time. Maybe it's working already on day 1? not sure. I've heard people swear by Dr. Dan's CortiBalm so I've been using it before I go to bed and during the day a few times. Not a fan of the smell but at least it doesn't taste that way. 

   So here are my Day 1 baseline pictures. I hate to say it but I'm not that broke out right now. This past month I've stopped using my aczone, tazorac and oracea. Go figure I started to clear, granted I still get acne but not as much as I was getting.

                            

                                 

     Please excuse the after shower selfie, I can only accomplish so much at 5:30 in the morning. Proof that I don't always look this horrible :) Ah the power of Dermablend and Mac.

     I'm trying to be very positive, I am worried about what I'm putting in my body but I hate acne more and I hated what I was putting on my skin before. I'm also tired of being embarrassed by something I can't control so I'm hoping putting weekly progress photos will help me accept myself a bit more. So bring on the dry skin! 

Starting My Accutane Journey

        So acne sucks. It started in my teens as normal acne. like a bump here and there-whatever right. My mom agreed that birth control was probably the best route to take since it was all hormonal anyway. And it worked. 

       I started seeing a dermatologist I think around 20. He prescribed Retin-A and Aczone. After 3 years, I STILL had acne, not horrible but I always had at least one bump. I thought this was normal. The bumps, the hyperpigmintation, the scars. The most he did to adjust my medication was change me to a higher Retin A . And try one round of antibiotics that did nothing.

       In December 2013 I decided I was done with birth control. Not because I wanted a baby but I had noticed that in the past 2 years I had put on 10 pounds that I could not lose. My diet got healthier in those 2 years and still the weight came. At this point I was also engaged and BC kills some happy love hormones so all signs were pointing to "Stop BC". By mid April 2014 I went from 134 to 120 (still a healthy BMI for someone 5'6) I was not working out or eating any differently. Gee thanks BC. My acne came back with a vengeance. In April I went to the same dermatologist group but to a different doctor. This time a woman who understood hormones better than my previous male doctor (and honestly wasn't such an ass). She explained that my acne was some hormonal-around and under my jaw line- and some was the line between acne and rosacea. The hormonal acne was forming into cystic acne on my chin and cheeks and I had some pretty bad red/purple marks. She changed my Retin A to Tazorac (stronger retinol) and added Oracea for the rosacea. That worked a bit. It did start to dry me out but after a month I went back to oily skin. I dealt with it for a while. Then In December 2014 I took off work 2 weeks for Christmas. So no make up around the house and pretty chill time. I had the worst breakout of my life. My skin was a mess. I ended up going to ulta and buying Dermablend just so I could return to work. Since then bad breakouts are my norm. My face, my chest and my back. In February I made another derm appointment and she said my acne was now moderate to severe on my face and severe on my chest and back. She prescribed 100mg of Minocycline for a month and said if it didn't work we'd start talking about Accutane. 

      In that month I done a lot of research on Accutane.  At the end of my month the antibiotic had barely touched the acne. I made an emergency appointment with my derm and she asked if I wanted Accutane. I said yes. She went on to explain the side effects I already knew and the do not get pregnant speech. I asked how many people she had prescribed this to (usually has about 5 patients on it at all times), how many people she's taken off due to bad side effects (3. 1 patient's brother died and they requested to continue treatment later at risk of depression. 1 patient's husband passed away and she was taken off due to possible depression. 1 teenager's significant other said they were being an ass and the mother asked they be taken off). The nurse told me how people who once would keep their head down would look them in the eye and talk after 4 months of treatment, the girls stopped using their hair to cover the sides of their face and their shoulders (my hair is over 2' I'm super guilty of this). Then my derm told me when she was my age she was on it. Her skin is pretty awesome looking. She explained she was dry during treatment but that was about it.

    I took my first pregnancy test that day and signed all my paperwork. I have my card for ipledge now and I do my blood work on April 23rd. My appointment is on April 27th and I'm so excited. I know its a really strong drug, I get it. I know that a lot of people are against this treatment including some of my family members. I know the risks are a little high and it's a pain in the ass 6 months. But what I know even more is I hate waking up and seeing what other bumps popped up over night. I hate everyone's advice on what I'm doing wrong regarding my skin. I hate putting on makeup in the morning and having to re do it at lunch because my oily dehydrated skin has made it a semi flaky, cakey oil slick.I am tired of all the money I have wasted on make up, face washes and treatments. I am tired of being 24 and having acne.

So I'm putting it out there. These are my before pictures.

 This isn't the worst it's been, it's just a normal breakout now. It's a normal I refuse to accept.