Living Authentically

Earlier this week I was shamed for drinking. Today I was shamed for not drinking. One was dead serious and one was a joke. But the outcome is the same: I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, shot of whiskey, whatever your healer or potion. If there’s one thing I’m proud of it’s that I know who I am. I know my “faults” and will gladly display them to the world – because to me they are not faults, they are me. But…I temper me. I water down myself, I bite my tongue, I hide who I am as to not shock or piss people off. Yet my life’s motto is “Live authentically.” So do I unashamedly be myself no matter what the masses opinion of me will be or do I keep my pretty mouth shut and pretend to be who I’m not?

Post Accutane

So I suck at updates but I've been off of Accutane for about 3 months now and I've had maybe 2 super small, not noticeable at all, teeny tiny spots. 

Face:  No break outs, not super dry or oily. I'd say I have normal skin now (!!!!!!!) My derm put me on adapalene to use like every 2 days and I hardly use it that much. I did get scarring, not divots or anything just red and dark spots. So I'm using Derma-e scar gel, No7 protect and perfect and Sunday Riley Good Genes. I haven't used them enough to tell a difference yet though.

Skin: Less moisture than I used to have but the eczema is gone. No body acne either. I can wax again too with no issues-eyebrows, underarms, bikini, legs.

Hair: Accutane killed my hair. I had to get about 2 inches cut off because of it being so dry and heat damaging it more. My hair is way past my shoulder blades so it wasn't really noticeable. So if you curl your hair a lot like I do get a good heat protectant, do weekly deep conditioning treatments and I soaked my end in moroccan oil at nights after the damage was cut off. I have to wash it every other day now and while I loved going days without having to re-style my hair, it looks and feels much healthier now!

Pain: My back pain and stiffness stuck around for a about a month after treatment. The pain was really bad in the last month but it was worth it. My yoga game is no where near where it used to be but it helped so much for stiffness throughout treatment

So here it is-the make up free, I woke up like this, #flawless selfie. Thank you Accutane!!

Absorica Updates

So I haven't updated as frequently and I'm sorry :( But I'm not sure if anyone reads this either

But here's the last 3 photo sets I've taken.

 Day 58: Minor breakouts and some major red spots. I was hoping these were spots but nope hyper pigmentation or scarring. Derm said there's no way to know yet.

Day 68: Clear day! I still have the red spots but no face acne! Still getting minor breakouts on my back. Derm says it could just be because it's freaking hot and it doesn't look like the acne I had before. She said I could spot treat my back with Benzoyl Peroxide. 

Day 84: Still clear and my scarring or red spots are less noticeable, I had 2 small spots come up right before my period and that was it. Right now my face still looks like this.

My side effects have kicked in now. While my face is still not super dry, my arms are. I'm on a corticosteroid for the eczema patches now and it's making it feel much better. Also I can get really bad tailbone pain now that can make my lower back, hips and thighs hurt very much. The old solution is to lower my dosage but I only have 2 months left at 60 mg and I can tough it out. It's not too terrible and massages help. Oh! and ingrown toenails are a thing on accutane, go figure. One seems better now and the other just hurts randomly. gross. Looking forward to this side effect going away most of all.  I'm VERY happy with the way things are going though.   

Absorica Day 44 and 50

Day 44: I had 2 clusters of spots come up and boy did they hurt. Along with taking forever to go away they took forever to heal when I started picking-bleh.

Day 50: I'm very happy with the results I've gotten so far. I thought I had stopped progressing but looking back at the older photos I see how far my skin has really come. Also some of the redness is fading now! I think it's easy to forget how bad it once was once you start to see progress :)

This is the week before my period and this is normally when I break out badly, I'm really hoping accutane beats the stupid hormones and lets my face continue to heal.

Absorica Day 30 and 35

 This is at the end of Month 1 when I started to really see some improvement. It was also the last day of taking only 30 Mg a month.

 This is the first week into my second month kinda. Well day 35. I've been bumped up to 60 Mg a day now and I'm going through a smaller initial breakout again. I'm really hoping this is the last big breakout so I'm staying happy and not getting to down about it.

 I will say that I was afraid of what would happen if something emotionally big happened while I was on accutane. Monday my step-grandmother passed away. And while I will not say we were close, she's the mother of the man I called Dad who passed away in 2008. I feel like I'm loosing another piece of him all over again. Monday when I found out I felt very weird. I told my husband I felt off and to kinda keep check on how I was feeling just in case. Tuesday morning he forgot to do something and I called and yelled at him and was pretty angry. Today I am fine and I feel completely normal again but it is a good idea to have someone check in with you and mentally asses how you're doing.

Absorica Day 22

My chin is revolting and a lot of other little pimples are popping up. My chin is finally starting to heal though so I feel better about it. My hair is still doing pretty great. My lips hurt like crazy though. It's gotten better since like last Thursday or so but geeze! I have all of this now: aquaphor, Dr. Dan’s, Blistex medicated balm, Blistex medicated ointment (this kinda burns), Blistex cold & allergy (I found it in my makeup bag lol), Rosebud salve, Bag Balm (this stinks but I kinda like it), Vaseline Lip Therapy, Carmex (OW holy hell this hurt!), Olive lips, Chapstick 8 hour moisture, just plain neosporin and triple antibiotic ointment. I'm a wee bit desperate. I will say that Dr Dan's and aquaphor are still the best combo but they work best together for me.

Oh and I switched from using cetaphil to wash my face to using Innisfree Green Tea Cleansing Oil. I washed my face and it did NOT feel tight right after I dried it off. It was amazing and I'm in love. Oil cleansing is the way to go on accutane for sure! Anyway enough of my rambling here are my updated photos.

Absorica Day 15

     Hello initial breakout! feel free to leave my face any time now. I think breaking out around your nose and mouth are the worst places and that's exactly where I'm so so broke out right now. I woke up this morning with a huge under the skin cyst that's just a hard knot on my chin. I can't even see it just feel it. Also-swelling. Oh em gee this morning was the first time I woke up swollen and it is not pretty. You can see that in the pictures:( 
   
    The corners of my mouth can't get enough moisture even with cortibalm and aquaphor and are cracked right now and my lips look like they want to peel. I've went from washing my hair every day to every other day now and it's still a bit itchy and flaky. I'm using a keratin shampoo and conditioner along with Moroccan oil. I'd never used the oil on my scalp before but i did today and it seems to be helping.

   My eyes have gotten pretty dry too. I wear my contacts every other day now to give them a bit of a break. Eye drops and eye gel drops help a lot at night. But anyway here's my progress photos. Yikes.